is your mom at the bar?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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