i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
