Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
