I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
