Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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