She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
