I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
