ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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