UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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