I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
