hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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