they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
