Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
