the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
