i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
