I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
