btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
