I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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