I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
