We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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