Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
