dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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