We won't sleep together?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
