Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
