I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
