no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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