On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
