dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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