Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
