Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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