need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
