I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
