I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Randomize
