Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
