I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
