Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
