At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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