I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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