I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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