I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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