just come out here and I will go home with you...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
