Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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