We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
