I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
