In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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