I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
