1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Someone came in the potted fern
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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