I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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