I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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