this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
