Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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