So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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