ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
