I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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